The "Growing Apart" cause is indeed one of the harder ones to deal with, but I believe takes a good amount of awareness from both ends to blossom post-divorce. Thank you for writing this, Allah bless you for the work you do 🤲🏼
I would only add, regarding past traumas, I think there is a line in the sand that must be drawn, because if a man or woman is Mukalaf, they have an onus of responsibility to behave and act a certain way.
Men, and women are both commanded to respect one another even in the throes of disagreement of marital discord. But the overwhelming of ahadith and literature, although available encouraging both to respect and treatment with Ihsan, is actually leveled at women's obedience toward a man, even if he is sinful. The problem is, women are neck deep in online idiocy, learning from memes, from celebrity imams, from books on their own, from Youtube, and now, skirmishing for Shaykhs that appease their nufus, forgetting the adage and notion that not a single one of them, holds an atoms worth of weight above obedience to her husband. Now she uses whatever issue they are going through, even if he is in sin, to also perform her sin, or rebel and retaliate with justification for her behaviour.
So letting people off because of traumas or allowing for that space without careful steering to the responsibility and accountability they owe, can thwart men and women in the wrong direction.
Imams and Shaykhs have also lost the nerve and gall to properly align men and women and steer them to accountability, too fearful especially to reprimand women.
Oh no, I’m not saying any of these are excuses; rather, just a cause. All of these things, in my opinion, are still salvageable. They just requires humility and commitment from both parties.
Unfortunately, from my experience, the bulk of divorces I’m seeing are being initiated by the men. Almost always, even with the most difficult wives, it is because they lacked wisdom to guide and manage early on in the marriage, regardless of any of these 3 categories.
We have the opposite here in Australia. Women are rampantly loose. The best of them, background loose, unrepentant, virtue signalling everywhere, pseudo religious, but will use every salvageable excuse under the sun to conveniently justify their position, alas, why I commented, they use the 'past trauma' model until they absolutely flog it like a dead horse. Anything to escape accountability, ironically assuming a man who does hold them accountable, doesn't love them and the man who allows them to be as they are, truly loves their 'authentic self'.
So yes, I agree, they can be a cause, but that has long gone as a decent stopping point to work through an issue, but now become the whole kit and kaboodle as to why they can flippantly behave the way they want.
The "Growing Apart" cause is indeed one of the harder ones to deal with, but I believe takes a good amount of awareness from both ends to blossom post-divorce. Thank you for writing this, Allah bless you for the work you do 🤲🏼
I am sure it does. I never wanted to but it happens.
As a divorcee myself, I completely understand.
Allah bless you with contentment, happiness, and a new spouse that brings you closer to Him in this life and the next. Ameen!
Thank you, I am learning more about Allah and I like it so far so thank you
Asalamu Alaykoum,
Nice write habibi.
I would only add, regarding past traumas, I think there is a line in the sand that must be drawn, because if a man or woman is Mukalaf, they have an onus of responsibility to behave and act a certain way.
Men, and women are both commanded to respect one another even in the throes of disagreement of marital discord. But the overwhelming of ahadith and literature, although available encouraging both to respect and treatment with Ihsan, is actually leveled at women's obedience toward a man, even if he is sinful. The problem is, women are neck deep in online idiocy, learning from memes, from celebrity imams, from books on their own, from Youtube, and now, skirmishing for Shaykhs that appease their nufus, forgetting the adage and notion that not a single one of them, holds an atoms worth of weight above obedience to her husband. Now she uses whatever issue they are going through, even if he is in sin, to also perform her sin, or rebel and retaliate with justification for her behaviour.
So letting people off because of traumas or allowing for that space without careful steering to the responsibility and accountability they owe, can thwart men and women in the wrong direction.
Imams and Shaykhs have also lost the nerve and gall to properly align men and women and steer them to accountability, too fearful especially to reprimand women.
Oh no, I’m not saying any of these are excuses; rather, just a cause. All of these things, in my opinion, are still salvageable. They just requires humility and commitment from both parties.
Unfortunately, from my experience, the bulk of divorces I’m seeing are being initiated by the men. Almost always, even with the most difficult wives, it is because they lacked wisdom to guide and manage early on in the marriage, regardless of any of these 3 categories.
We have the opposite here in Australia. Women are rampantly loose. The best of them, background loose, unrepentant, virtue signalling everywhere, pseudo religious, but will use every salvageable excuse under the sun to conveniently justify their position, alas, why I commented, they use the 'past trauma' model until they absolutely flog it like a dead horse. Anything to escape accountability, ironically assuming a man who does hold them accountable, doesn't love them and the man who allows them to be as they are, truly loves their 'authentic self'.
So yes, I agree, they can be a cause, but that has long gone as a decent stopping point to work through an issue, but now become the whole kit and kaboodle as to why they can flippantly behave the way they want.
At least in Australia.
Jazak Allah khayr for always a great write!
Oof! No place is perfect, but as a community we have a lot of social issues to work on.
نسأل الله العافية و التوفيق!