I love the recognition of not just the paralysis of a young Muslim man, but the actual drivers of it: the fear of not being perfect, the trap of options that run far beyond the scope of your small town, the weight of a choice that will change your life forever. Combined with family expectations and our own high standards, it is not surprising that marriage becomes something that gets delayed year after year.
To add to the conversation, there is a genre of man that is also paralyzed by the “performance” of marriage. There are expectations (not inherently wrong) that are proclaimed by social media as the bare minimum. Suddenly, marriage is not about being present, and enjoying each other’s company, it transforms into a myriad of consumerism, Disney propaganda, and fuel for mutual boasting that dresses up in a trench coat pretending to be standards.
Of course, I recognize that for the Muslim woman, the search is much harder, they have much more at stake, and they are in the majority of circumstances the gender that is more likely to compromise. However, from a birds eye view, the image of what the perfect man looks like for a potential spouse can also throw one back into the loop of unreadiness.
You’re an excellent writer, and this is an eloquently written article. You make really great points, and you have an astute perception that is not clogged by the drudgery of social media mantras and pop psychology that we are overwhelmingly exposed to. Sadly, repetition deceives us into thinking that something is true, even if we were not originally swayed by that opinion. It’s refreshing to hear a voice that debunks a lot of the beliefs that subconsciously permeate our minds. I think everyone should read this article, regardless of gender.
Such a well-written reflection mA. As an additional point, I have also found that younger brothers go for women who are either not Muslim / or not religious. It leaves many of our religious sisters without a ratio to work with, and many end up single.
BarakaAllahu feekum!
I love the recognition of not just the paralysis of a young Muslim man, but the actual drivers of it: the fear of not being perfect, the trap of options that run far beyond the scope of your small town, the weight of a choice that will change your life forever. Combined with family expectations and our own high standards, it is not surprising that marriage becomes something that gets delayed year after year.
To add to the conversation, there is a genre of man that is also paralyzed by the “performance” of marriage. There are expectations (not inherently wrong) that are proclaimed by social media as the bare minimum. Suddenly, marriage is not about being present, and enjoying each other’s company, it transforms into a myriad of consumerism, Disney propaganda, and fuel for mutual boasting that dresses up in a trench coat pretending to be standards.
Of course, I recognize that for the Muslim woman, the search is much harder, they have much more at stake, and they are in the majority of circumstances the gender that is more likely to compromise. However, from a birds eye view, the image of what the perfect man looks like for a potential spouse can also throw one back into the loop of unreadiness.
This is such a well written post!
You’re an excellent writer, and this is an eloquently written article. You make really great points, and you have an astute perception that is not clogged by the drudgery of social media mantras and pop psychology that we are overwhelmingly exposed to. Sadly, repetition deceives us into thinking that something is true, even if we were not originally swayed by that opinion. It’s refreshing to hear a voice that debunks a lot of the beliefs that subconsciously permeate our minds. I think everyone should read this article, regardless of gender.
BarakAllahuFeekm! Allah accept!
Such a well-written reflection mA. As an additional point, I have also found that younger brothers go for women who are either not Muslim / or not religious. It leaves many of our religious sisters without a ratio to work with, and many end up single.